The End

That's all I feel like telling you. I don't really wonna' tell you the whole story of how I got sick and all. That stuff don't interest me too much. I don't really know what the hell to say. I sort of miss everybody I told you about, even Stradlater and Ackley. I think that I even miss that goddam Maurice from the hotel. It's funny. I don't tell anyone anything anymore. The minute I do. I start missing everyone.

Goodbye to Old Phoebe

The minute I got out of there I started to regret giving my hunting hat to Old Phoebe. I started wondering around the streets like a madman. I started thinking that I wouldn't make it to the other side of the street so I started pleading to Allie, not to God but to Allie to see me safely across the street. I started thinking about fleeing out west again and going to live somewhere in the country and I decided that I was gonna do it. But I decided to go and say goodbye to Phoebe. So I wrote her a note I delivered it to her school and everything and just as I was leaving I saw that some rotten kid had scratched 'Fuck you' into one of the walls. That really annoyed me. It annoyed me so much that I wanted to kill the person that had put it there. It's just like life. The minute you find somewhere nice some bastard comes along and writes the word 'Fuck You' all over it! I went to the museum to meet Phoebe and I was walking along of the corridors and I found another 'Fuck You' written on the wall. I couldn't rub it off. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So I stood and waited outside of the museum and waited for Old Phoebe, in my not I'd told her that I was going away and all and that this was her last chance to say goodbye.

Then I saw her coming up the road dragging this big old suitcase with her. She said that she was coming with me. We had a row about it, we were practically yelling in the street. In the end I said that I wasn't going. But by the time she was kinda mad at me. I offered to take her to the park but she didn't answer so I walked on and headed towards the park. She walked on the other side of the road. That killed me. When we got there I was reminded of my childhood. Me, Allie, Phoebe and D.B used to come here as children and go on the carousel. I gave Phoebe some dough and watched her on the carousel. Before she went on she took my hunting hat out of my pocket and put it on my head with the ear flaps down and all and I sat and I watched her as she went around and around and around. I wish you could've been there.

Mr. Antolini

I got to Mr. Antolini's alright, it wasn't too far away. He and Mrs. Antolini had this very swanky apartment and you could tell that they'd been entertaining, the place was a mess and I could tell that Mr. Antolini had had one too many. And he was still drinking. We ha da very long talk about my life and where I wonna' end up. He told me that I was heading for a fall. A horrible one. he told me 'The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit the bottom.' I sort of followed him. To tell you the truth, I wasn't really listening, I was so goddam tired, I felt dizzy and had a huge headache. I just wanted to sleep. He also told me 'The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.' I knew what he was saying. I thanked him and all. But all I really wanted to do was sleep. Mr. Antolini was still pretty drunk but he gave-in and helped me make up the sofa so I could go to bed.

I lay there and I thought about what Mr. Antolini had said for a while, then I fell asleep. Then something weird happened. I woke up and Mr. Antolini was sitting there, in the dark and all, he was still drinking. And he had his goddam hand on my head. I was up like a shot, I was shaking like a bastard! I made the excuse that I had to collect my bag from the station and all then I was out of there. I tell you one thing, I've never waited for a elevator so long in my goddam life. I can't stand it when something perverty like that happens.

Passing on

I got up from the bed and went into the living room and for some cigarettes and to give Mr. Antolini a buzz. Mr. Antolini was the English teacher at Elkton Hills. He's the one who put a coat around James Castle and took him off the the infermary. He asked if anythingwas wrong and I asked him if I could stay and all. He said fine. Then I put the phone down and went back to see Old Phoebe. I hated to have to tell her that I was going. I asked her if she had any money, she gave me a little of her Christmas monay. I was so moved, I cried. I gave her my red hunting hat, she loved it. It was easier to get out of the appartment than in. The door man wasn't even there.I got out alright.

James Castle

All the time I was talking to Old Phoebe I kept thinking about James Castle. He was a student at the Elkton Hills School. He was no phoney. One day he said something about one of the hot shot guys and a bunch of this guys friends came into James Castle's room and locked the door and told him to take back what he'd said. And he said no. What those guys did to him was so repulsive and unspeakable that he jumped out of the window. He died. He died wearing my turtle neck sweater that I lent him. I almost died when he asked if he could borrow it. He never really spoke, he was one of those quest guys. But I lent it to him. And that;s what he died wearing. And that's all I could think about as I sat there talking to Old Phoebe.

Catcher in the Rye

She still wouldn't look at me. She still had that goddam pillow over her head and she kept repeating; 'Daddy's going to kill you.' She started to yell at me about getting kicked out of all the Other schools she asked me if there was anything that I wanted to do with my life. She wanted an aswer. It took me a while to say but I finally told you: 'The Catcher in the Rye.' I want to save innocent people. I pictured all these kids playing around in a huge feild of rye and nobody big's arounbd except me. And they're all playing near this crazy cliff and they're running towards it and when that happens I have to come out from the shadows or somewhere and save them. I know it sounds crazy but that's all I really want to be. The Catcher in the Rye.

Old Phoebe

It took me a while to get back to our apartment. I got to the building Okay and all it was just the guy on the elevator door. I told him to take me up to a different apartment on the floor below but they were out it took me forever to convince him to let me up. It was dark as hell when I opened the apartment door. I crept up to D.B's room coz that's where Phoebe sleeps when he's away. I woke her up. She wakes up quite easily. All you have to say is wake-up and boom! She's awake. I explained to her about the Little Shirley Beans record, she didn't care though, she kept the pieces. We started to chew the fat for a bit. I asked her about her Christmas play and all, but you can't fool Old Phoebe she asked why I was back early. Bang! She figured it out. She started ranting about how Daddy was gonna kill me. She flopped on her stomach on the bed and put a goddam pillow over her head. She wouldn't take it off. I kept tellin' her to take it off but she didn't. You can't even reason with her sometimes.

Drunk

I sat there after Carl Luce had gone and started getting as drunk as a bastard. I sat there 'til around 1 O'clock. When I was really drunk I started messin' around and pretending that I had a bullet in my gut. I kept putting my hand under my jacket, I was concealing the fact that I was a wounded sonuvabitch. I stumbled outside to a phone booth and gave Old Sally Hayes a buzz. I told that I come over Christmas Day and all and trip the Christmas tree like she asked she just said that I was drunk and should sleep it off. I'm not shure what I did after that. I think I was crying. I started to walk, I don't know where. I felt blue as hell though. Then something terrible happened I broke Old Phoebe's record. It fell out of my pocket and shattered into about fifty pieces. It made me fell terrible. It made me feel as though I'd let Old Phoebe down. I sat down on this bench and started to think. About the ducks mainly. They weren't there. The lake was frozen. Where the hell do the ducks go in winter? Then I started to think about Old Phoebe. What I figured I'd do, I figured that I'd sneak back and see her. I had my key and all. So I decided to do it. I walked all the way. It wasn't too far, I wasn't drunk anymore.

Carl Luce

After I saw that lousy movie I headed over to the Wicker Bar to meet Carl Luce. He irritated me for the flirt 10 minutes he kept looking around and pointing out who was a flit. It's really annoying like that. Even if a guys got kids he's still a flit to Luce. Everyone's a flit for Christsake! I started questioning him about his sex life. That really made him sore! He used to gather us all in his room when we were a t Wooten and go on about sex for hours and question you about your sex life and give you tips and all. But the moment you ask him about his sex life, he gets all sore. He told me he was dating this Chinese girl, a sculptor, older. I asked him if he often when for older women. He just told me to grow-up. After about 20 minutes he said he had to go. I practically begged him to say, told him I was lonesome and all. I don't know why.

Phoney Movie

After I left the skating place I thought about giving Old Jane a buzz. And I actually did it this time. But her phone didn't answer. So I had to hang up. Finally after about 10 minutes of contemplating, I gave this guy that I knew at Whooton school, Carl Luce a buzz. He had the highest IQ out of any boy I knew at Wooton. I Anyway, that who I called. He was suprised to hear me but he agreed to meet me. I had some time to kill before I had to go and meet Luce so I went to the movies. Before the movie came on there was this band and in it was a guy who played the kettle drums who I've watched since I was about eight- years-old, Me and Allie used to love him. After the band had finished the picture came on. God it was as phoney as hell. It was about some Duke due who loses his memory and forgets that he's engaged and all, then he meets someone else and they fall in love and all. Then his fiancee shows up and recognises him and tells him to go and see his Mother who's blind, he eventually goes but he still doesn't get his memory back. One day he's playing cricket and gets whakced in the head ans gets his memoty bacl marries the girl and his ex financees gets off with the Doctor die who repairs his Mother's eye-sight. What a load of phoney crap is all I an say! Stuff like that doesn't happen in real life. Take Allie for instance, he can never come back.

Run Away

At two O'clock I met Old Sally at the Biltmore Hotel. She was 10 minutes late. But she looked terrific, she really did. So I could forgive her. I told her we were seeing 'The Lunts' she thought it 'Grand.' Grand now there's a word I really can't stand. It's so phoney. The show wasn't that bad. It was about 5 millions years into the life of this couple. After the phoney show me and Old Sally stook around for a bit. She started chatting to this phoney bastard from Andover, who loved the show. I didn't feel much like talking. We went Ice Skating afterwards. I didn't really want to do that much either if I;m telling the truth. I just wanted to see Old Sally in a minni-skirt that showed of her ass. She had a very cute ass.

After the ice skating we went for a coffee and she watch the skaters for a while. I then started to chew the fat with her. I'm not shure what happened after that. I started partly ranting and partly speaking in my normal voice. I was going on about all the phonies and all, and how I wanted to get the hell out of New York I asked her to come with me. She went mad. You could tell that I had embarassed her. We both hated each others guts by the end of the day. I told her that she could be a right pain in thr ass sometimes. Boy, did she hit the ceiling when I told her that one. I'm not kidding, she really did. I tried to make it up to her by offering to take her home and all, but by that time she was crying. I ended up leaving without her. Prior to that I had asked her to run away woth me. That's the terrible part. I actually meant it. I swear to God I'm a madman.

Museum

It was only noon when I'd finished breakfast. I wasn't meeting Old Sally until two. So I went into a record store and bought a record for Old Phoebe. Little Shirley Beans, she loves it. As I was walking up the street heading towards the park. I saw this little kid with his parents, they were coming home from Mass. The little kid was walking close to the crub on the edge nearly. His parents didn't even notice. I walked towards the park, to tell you the truth I was kinda hoping to see Old Phoebe and give her the record. But she wasn't there. So I headed towards the museum instead. I used to go there when Allie was alive. And on school trips too. The best thing about the museum is that everything always stayed where it was. Certain things should always stay the way they are. But a funny thing happened. When I got to the museum I wouldn't have gone in there for a million bucks. It just didn't appeal to me.

Nuns and Romeo & Juliet

I didn't sleep long, but it was morning anyway so I got the hell out of there. I went to this little cafe and had some breakfast and these two Nuns came in. I started shooting the bull with 'em for a while. One of them was an English teacher. I liked her. We started chatting about Romeo & Juliet. God I hate that story. Well I lied Mercutio. He was cool. But when he died the story kinda' went down hill. I helped them with their bags and stuff and I gave them ten bucks for their collection. They were really nice and all. I ain't' Catholic or anything. But I appreciat what those Nuns do an all. After they left I started getting sorry that I'd only given them ten bucks fot their collection. But the thing was I'd made an appointment with Old Sally Hayes. I said that I meet her that day and go see a show. I was almost out of dough. I'd spent a fourtune since I'd left Pencey.

Prostitute

After leaving Ernie's I walked all the way abck to the hotel. I was tired and to tell you the truth, I was feeling sort of depressed. I got into the elavator and told the guy what fool. His name was Maurice according to his name tag. Then he said something funny. 'Interested in a little tail tonight?' It took me a while before I realised that he ment a prostitute. I told him my room number and he said he'd send her up. I figured when I was going up to my room, that, seeing as she was a prostitute and all I could get some practice in on her if I ever got married. Anyway, the doorbell rang and I answered it. She was sort of pretty with blonde hair, but you could tell that she dyed it. She was wearing this green dress. I felt a little uncomfortable when I saw that the colour of her dress was green. It reminded me of that Navajo blanket that Old Spencer owned and all that Arcadia stuff I told you about. Anyway she waled in, her name was Sunny. And right there in the middle of her room she just took off her dress and was standing there in just her slip. She had no shame. I felt kinda bad coz she was only a kid and all, I was expecting some old bag. In the end I apologised and said that I couldn't go through with it. I payed her the 5 bucks I owed her, I was no time-waster. Old Maurice said that it was 5 'til midnight.

After Sunny had left. I smoked a few ciggarettes put on my pajamas and went to bed. It was only a few minutes since I turned the light out when there was a knock at the door. I opened it, I felt really ambarassed seeing as I was in my goddam pajamas and all. It was Old Maurice demanding that I pay Sunny the other 5 bucks I owed her. I told him that he said it was only five. He argued. Siad that he told me it was ten. Sonuvabitch. We argued for a while. It wouldn't have been as bad except for the fact that I was in my pajamas. He it me in the end. Right in the gut, I lay there on the floor as Sunny took another five bucks from my wallet. Then they Left. After they left and I was on my way to the bathroom, I started to pretend that I had a bullet in my gut. I'm crazy. I felt like I was in a goddam movie. Goddam movies. They can ruin you. I'm not kidding.