Sonnet

Goddam phoneys, they’re all phoneys at school
Game my ass, some game, there’s only one rule
The grass is greener on the other side
Where all the hot-shots are, where life is denied

Look for innocence, it’s in children’s eyes
Purity and youth can never tell lies
I want to protect them, save them from hell
They can’t lead phoney lives, stop the death- knell
I try hard to preserve their innocence
Protect their minds, maintain their brilliance

But no one else will help me with my quest
This world’s lousy with perverts, and the rest
‘Grow-up!’ ‘Use your head boy!’ I don’t want to
I don’t want to, but there’s naught I can do

The Club

I took a cab down to Ernie's, the nightclub. Ernie is a pianist. He's always playing there. I got into the cab and I started chatting to the driver, I asked him where the ducks go in winter like I asked the last cab driver. Boy, was he all sore about it! He kept on tellin' me to grow-up and all. Loadsa' people tell me to do that, I don't really pay any attention to 'em if I'm being honest. I had to wait practically ages to get a table once I got to Ernie's. It was always packed-out. They finally gave me a table in the corner I had to climb over a couple of people to get to it. No one had the courtesy to move. The people who were still waiting for a table were standing on their tiptoes at the back to get a good luck at Old Ernie. I'm not sure what it was that he was playing, but he was really stinking it up! He was putting in all these dumb show-off ripples and high notes. You couldn't see his fingers, the spotlight was shining on his big dumb face. The crowd were going wild though.

All of a sudden this girl came up to me, Lillian Simmons her name was. She used to date my Brother, D.B. She was with some phony looking sailor guy. She started shooting the bull with me about D.B. I told her about him being in Hollywood and all. Prostituting himself. She thought it was 'marvelous'. I hate that word. It's so goddam phony. When she left me and the sailor shook hands. It was one of those handshakes that practucally broke your damn fingers off. She asked me to join her. But I made up some excuse about having to meet with someone, so I left. I didn't really want to shoot the bull with Old Lillian about my Brother.

Jane Gallagher 2

Sitting in the lobby I suddenly found that my thoughts wondered to Old Jane Gallagher again. I started to think about how I first met her. Her family lived next door to me, and they had this dog that always used to come over and relieve itself on our lawn and my Mom got all irritated about it. She called-up Old Jane's Mom and made a very big stink about the whole damn thing. A couple of days later I saw Old Jane in the swimming pool at the club and said 'Hi' to her, after that Jane and I got to be friends. She killed me did Old Jane, she really did. She was the only one that I ever showed Allie's baseball mitt to. I remember one afternoon when Jane and I nearly got to necking. We were playing checkers at her house and she was keeping all her kings in the back, as usual. All of a sudden this booze hound that her Mother lived with came out and he asked Jane if there were any cigarettes in the house. She didn't answer, she just kept on looking at the checkers board. So he asked her again. Jane made out she was concentrating on her next move and all. Finally he went into the house and this big tear rolled down Jane's cheek and onto the checkers board. She just rubbed it into the board and carried on playing.

At that moment I went over and sat next to her. Then she really started to cry. The next thing I knew I was kissing her. All over. Her, nose, her forehead, her cheeks even her ears. But not her lips though. She kinda wouldn't let me get to that. Anyway, that the furthest we got to necking.

Anyway, that's what I was thinking about when I was sitting in that vomit-coloured chair in the lobby. Old Jane. There was hardly anyone there anymore.

Lavender Room

I started thinking about giving Old Phoebe a buzz again. I wouldn't have minded shooting the crap with her. But I decided against it again. I went down to the Lavender Room. I tried to get the waiter to give me a scotch and soda. But I ended up getting a coke when I couldn't produce an ID. But it wasn't all bad though. There were these three girls all wearing fancy looking hats, at the table next to me. Two of them weren't all that attractive, but the third one, the blond one, she was. I started giving her the eye. I asked her to dance. She was an amazing dancer, not kidding, she really was. I tried to talk to her but she wasn't really paying attention she kept looking all around her. She was a real dope. But a terrific dancer. Then, all of a sudden, she came out with this really dumb remark; " I and my girlfriends saw Peter Lorre last night. The movie actor in person. He's cute.' She was really a moron. But a great dancer. I started jitterbugging with her. It was great. I then danced with the two less attractive ones, they weren't as good. One of them practically dragged me 'round the dance floor.

After I'd danced with all three of 'em I went and sat at there table, they didn't even ask me to join them. I just sat down anyways. I kept trying to make conversation with them. Most of the time they didn't even bother to respond. They kept looking around, looking for movie stars I guessed. They didn't even talk to each other. When we left they didn't even offer to pay for the drinks. Not even the ones they had before I joined them. I wouldn't have let the pay, it just would've been nice if they'd've offered. We didn't even sit together long but they must've ordered about a hundred drinks.

The Hotel

When I got off the train I caught a cab and asked the driver to take me to the nearest hotel. I started asking the driver if her knew where all the ducks went in winter. I mean, think about it. Where exactly do they go? When the lake freezes over in Central Park during the winter months, does some guy come from the zoo, scoop up all the ducks and take 'em to the zoo for the winter? Anyway, I asked the driver. He didn't answer. He didn't say anything the whole time I was in the cab. So I didn't either after that. When I got to the hotel they gave me this crumby room with nothing to look out of the window at. I didn't care much. I was to depressed to care. Eventually I did look out of the window. You'd be surprised what was going on on the other side of the hotel. There was this one guy who was checking himself out in the mirror dressed in woman's clothes. Next to him in the other room there was this couple who were squirting water into each other's faces and were enjoying it. They even took turns for Christ's sake! The Hotel was lousy with perverts. Sex is something I really don't understand, probably as much I as I didn't understand why it was fun to squirt water into a girl's face.

I picked up the phone wanting to give Old Phoebe, my kid sister, a buzz. But changed my mind. She's only ten, she wouldn't be up at this hour. I started toying with the idea of giving this girl who's card I got off some moron who went to Pinceton. I took the card out of my wallet and dialled the number. Faith Cavendish was her name. For a while I didn't think someone was home, it took her forever to answer the phone. She was pretty ticked-off about being phoned up at just gone midnight. But as soon as I told her I was a friend of Edmund Birdsell from Princeton she warmed up a bit. I asked her out for cocktails but she made up some phony excuse about her roommate being sick and how she didn't want to leave her.

"How about tomorrow night?" she suggested.

I made up some excuse about only being able to make it tonight and put the phone down. I felt pretty fouled up after that. I should've at least made it for cocktails.

Mrs Morrow

I walked to the station. I sort of enjoyed the air. I didn't have to wait long for a train. I like riding trains, I usually buy a ham sandwich and a couple of phony magazines from that guy who comes down the aisles selling 'em. But I didn't tonight. All of a sudden a lady got on the train she sat down right next to me. The whole car was empty because it was pretty late but she sat down next to me because she had this big heavy bag with her. She dumped it right in the middle of the aisle. She was a pretty good-looking woman. Women kill me. She turned and started talking to me. She'd noticed the Pencey Prep sticker on my bag. Turns out she was Mrs. Morrow the Mother of Ernest Morrow, what a moron! I started shooting the bull with her about what a great guy her son was. Moms love hearing about how great their kids are. She smiled. She had a terrifically nice smile. I liked Old Morrow's Mother. She was alright. She had quite allot of sex appeal.

She started asking why I was going home so early. She started worrying like Mothers do. She asked if a member of my family was ill.

"No they're alright. It's me I got to have this operation." That's what I told her.

She started getting all worried after I told her that. I told her I had a tiny brain tumor that had to be removed. I then moved my eyes away from her quickly and started studying this timetable I had in my pocket, just to stop lying. Once I started I couldn't stop. She then wished me luck with my operation and got off the train.

Exit

I went next door the Ackley's room. I turned on the light. He looked at me all shocked due to the blood all over my face from when Stradlater took a swing at me. He started asking me about the fight. He was a right nosey bastard. But I wasn't about to share my goddam life story with him. He was dumber than Stradlater. Next to Ackley Stradlater looked like a goddam genius. I asked him if I could sleep in Ely's bed tonight. Ely was Ackly's roommate. Boy did that annoy him. He started banging on about how he couldn't just loan Ely's goddam bed out just because he gone away for the goddam weekend. I went over to the window whilst he shot the bull. I felt so lonesome all of a sudden. I almost wished I was dead. In the end he loaned me the goddam bed. I swear to God about two hours passed before I could convince him to let me sleep in his goddam room. I wasn't even like it was a nice room. It was rank with the smell of Ackley's socks.

A couple of minutes later he was snoring like mad. I just lay there in the dark my mind kept wandering back to Jane Gallagher and Stradlater sitting in the back of that goddam car. Finally, I got up out of Ely's bed and started towards the door. I didn't want to stay in this stupid atmosphere anymore. Everybody was asleep or had gone home for the weekend and the corridor felt very, very depressing and quiet. All of a sudden I decided what the hell I was going to do. I was gonna get the hell out of Pencey. I needed a little vacation. My nerves were shot. Packing depressed me a little. After I got all packed I counted my dough. I was pretty loaded. I was all set to go. I had my bags and everything. I don't know why but I was looking down the goddam corridor. I was sort of crying. Finally, I put on my red hunting hat and yelled down the corridor "Sleep tight morons!" And got the hell out.

Fight

Some things are pretty hard to remember, like when Stradlater came back from his date with Jane for example. I can't remember what the hell I was doing the moment I heard his stupid footsteps coming down the corridor. What I do remember though, is that I was worried as hell. He came in blabbing on about is date or the weather or something. I really don't remember. I wasn't really listening. I didn't even bother to attempt to make a conversation with him. I just watched him. The one thing I did hear him ask was whether or not I'd written his stupid goddam composition for him. I told him it was on the bed, he went over and read it. He started to complain about the fact that I wrote it about Allie's baseball mitt. He was angry as hell. I ripped the damn thing out of his goddam hand and ripped it up I got so frustrated with him. I lay down on my bed and lit a cigarette, we weren't supposed to smoke in the dorm. But I didn't really give a damn. To tell you to truth I only did it to feel a sense of rebellion, plus it annoyed the hell out of Stradlater. He started banging on about how it was against the rules and telling me that I should put it out. I ignored him. I went on smoking like a madman.

He started acting dead weird. He kept on giving me these shadow punches to my shoulder. I don't remember what happened after that. All I can remember is that I got up and acted like I was going to the can or something. I tried to sock him one, only, I missed. It didn't connect all I did was hit him in the side of the the neck or somethin'. The next thing I knew I was on the goddam floor. Stradlater's crumby knees were digging into my chest. It hurt like hell. I yelled at him to get off and he eventually did. I started to yell again. I really did, I was calling him every name under the goddam sun. He got really mad then. He let one go on me. The next thing I knew I was on the goddam floor again. I didn't bother to get up. I just lay there. Bawling. I lay there until I heared him leave. Then I got up. I couldn't find my goddam hunting hat anywhere. I eventually found it. I looked in the mirror. There was blood everywhere. You never saw such gore in your life. I'd only ever been in about two fights in my whole life and I lot both of 'em. I'm not too tough. I'm a pacifist really.