The End

That's all I feel like telling you. I don't really wonna' tell you the whole story of how I got sick and all. That stuff don't interest me too much. I don't really know what the hell to say. I sort of miss everybody I told you about, even Stradlater and Ackley. I think that I even miss that goddam Maurice from the hotel. It's funny. I don't tell anyone anything anymore. The minute I do. I start missing everyone.

Goodbye to Old Phoebe

The minute I got out of there I started to regret giving my hunting hat to Old Phoebe. I started wondering around the streets like a madman. I started thinking that I wouldn't make it to the other side of the street so I started pleading to Allie, not to God but to Allie to see me safely across the street. I started thinking about fleeing out west again and going to live somewhere in the country and I decided that I was gonna do it. But I decided to go and say goodbye to Phoebe. So I wrote her a note I delivered it to her school and everything and just as I was leaving I saw that some rotten kid had scratched 'Fuck you' into one of the walls. That really annoyed me. It annoyed me so much that I wanted to kill the person that had put it there. It's just like life. The minute you find somewhere nice some bastard comes along and writes the word 'Fuck You' all over it! I went to the museum to meet Phoebe and I was walking along of the corridors and I found another 'Fuck You' written on the wall. I couldn't rub it off. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So I stood and waited outside of the museum and waited for Old Phoebe, in my not I'd told her that I was going away and all and that this was her last chance to say goodbye.

Then I saw her coming up the road dragging this big old suitcase with her. She said that she was coming with me. We had a row about it, we were practically yelling in the street. In the end I said that I wasn't going. But by the time she was kinda mad at me. I offered to take her to the park but she didn't answer so I walked on and headed towards the park. She walked on the other side of the road. That killed me. When we got there I was reminded of my childhood. Me, Allie, Phoebe and D.B used to come here as children and go on the carousel. I gave Phoebe some dough and watched her on the carousel. Before she went on she took my hunting hat out of my pocket and put it on my head with the ear flaps down and all and I sat and I watched her as she went around and around and around. I wish you could've been there.

Mr. Antolini

I got to Mr. Antolini's alright, it wasn't too far away. He and Mrs. Antolini had this very swanky apartment and you could tell that they'd been entertaining, the place was a mess and I could tell that Mr. Antolini had had one too many. And he was still drinking. We ha da very long talk about my life and where I wonna' end up. He told me that I was heading for a fall. A horrible one. he told me 'The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit the bottom.' I sort of followed him. To tell you the truth, I wasn't really listening, I was so goddam tired, I felt dizzy and had a huge headache. I just wanted to sleep. He also told me 'The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.' I knew what he was saying. I thanked him and all. But all I really wanted to do was sleep. Mr. Antolini was still pretty drunk but he gave-in and helped me make up the sofa so I could go to bed.

I lay there and I thought about what Mr. Antolini had said for a while, then I fell asleep. Then something weird happened. I woke up and Mr. Antolini was sitting there, in the dark and all, he was still drinking. And he had his goddam hand on my head. I was up like a shot, I was shaking like a bastard! I made the excuse that I had to collect my bag from the station and all then I was out of there. I tell you one thing, I've never waited for a elevator so long in my goddam life. I can't stand it when something perverty like that happens.

Passing on

I got up from the bed and went into the living room and for some cigarettes and to give Mr. Antolini a buzz. Mr. Antolini was the English teacher at Elkton Hills. He's the one who put a coat around James Castle and took him off the the infermary. He asked if anythingwas wrong and I asked him if I could stay and all. He said fine. Then I put the phone down and went back to see Old Phoebe. I hated to have to tell her that I was going. I asked her if she had any money, she gave me a little of her Christmas monay. I was so moved, I cried. I gave her my red hunting hat, she loved it. It was easier to get out of the appartment than in. The door man wasn't even there.I got out alright.

James Castle

All the time I was talking to Old Phoebe I kept thinking about James Castle. He was a student at the Elkton Hills School. He was no phoney. One day he said something about one of the hot shot guys and a bunch of this guys friends came into James Castle's room and locked the door and told him to take back what he'd said. And he said no. What those guys did to him was so repulsive and unspeakable that he jumped out of the window. He died. He died wearing my turtle neck sweater that I lent him. I almost died when he asked if he could borrow it. He never really spoke, he was one of those quest guys. But I lent it to him. And that;s what he died wearing. And that's all I could think about as I sat there talking to Old Phoebe.

Catcher in the Rye

She still wouldn't look at me. She still had that goddam pillow over her head and she kept repeating; 'Daddy's going to kill you.' She started to yell at me about getting kicked out of all the Other schools she asked me if there was anything that I wanted to do with my life. She wanted an aswer. It took me a while to say but I finally told you: 'The Catcher in the Rye.' I want to save innocent people. I pictured all these kids playing around in a huge feild of rye and nobody big's arounbd except me. And they're all playing near this crazy cliff and they're running towards it and when that happens I have to come out from the shadows or somewhere and save them. I know it sounds crazy but that's all I really want to be. The Catcher in the Rye.

Old Phoebe

It took me a while to get back to our apartment. I got to the building Okay and all it was just the guy on the elevator door. I told him to take me up to a different apartment on the floor below but they were out it took me forever to convince him to let me up. It was dark as hell when I opened the apartment door. I crept up to D.B's room coz that's where Phoebe sleeps when he's away. I woke her up. She wakes up quite easily. All you have to say is wake-up and boom! She's awake. I explained to her about the Little Shirley Beans record, she didn't care though, she kept the pieces. We started to chew the fat for a bit. I asked her about her Christmas play and all, but you can't fool Old Phoebe she asked why I was back early. Bang! She figured it out. She started ranting about how Daddy was gonna kill me. She flopped on her stomach on the bed and put a goddam pillow over her head. She wouldn't take it off. I kept tellin' her to take it off but she didn't. You can't even reason with her sometimes.